We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
