Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize