Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
