Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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