just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
