Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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