what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
