Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
