some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
