I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
