I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize