I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
