She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
