How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
