I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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