..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
