Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
