I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
