i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
