Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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