Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
