Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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