the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
