wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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