Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
