Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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