I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
