Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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