Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
