When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
