You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
