I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
