Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
