If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
