My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
