put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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