dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
