and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
