I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
