perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
