I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
