Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize