he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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