I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your cock deserves a montage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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