how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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