he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize