When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
