margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
