Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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