I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
