Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I AM VODKA MAN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize