i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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