Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
