i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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