I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
