there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
