Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
