ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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