Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
