I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
