That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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