I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
