There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize