u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
