I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do herpes really smell.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
