Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
