So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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