Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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