marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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